Relearning Discipline: When What Worked Doesn't

It's been almost four weeks since Lily's surgery. She's been sleeping so much better the last 2 weeks. Her behavior has greatly improved.

The last couple of days, she's been acting up or acting out. I'm not sure which, or why.

Lily is learning new ways to deal with upset. This is something I didn't foresee. I assumed that once she was sleeping better, the behavior would resolve itself. For the most part, it has.

I've been using our usual method for discipline. When she starts screaming and crying, I'd send her to her room. The hope was that she'd calm down and fall asleep, catching up on the sleep that she missed.

Well, severe sleep deprivation isn't the issue anymore.

For me, that means I have to change, too. She's old enough, I think, to start losing privileges. She got TV time revoked. She had a time out on the stairs. She's not been allowed a bed time snack.

We're learning.

What are some creative solutions you have tried when the old ones no longer work?

Lily's Surgery ... A Gamble That's Paying Off

I can't believe that so much time has gone by since Lily's surgery. She's doesn't seem to be having any pain or problems.

I'm not going to lie, the first couple of days after the surgery when she was in pain and crabby, I wondered if it was really the right decision. She just moped on the sofa and whined. She didn't even want a sippy cup of chocolate milk!

After a week of resting, Lily returned to school. This was a trial since we weren't sure if she'd do well through a whole school day. She did fine. Got her school pictures taken, too!

She sleeps so much better. No more snoring. No more waking up in the middle of the night screaming because she's having trouble breathing. No more bedtime tantrums.

Her tantrums overall are happening less often. She's more loving and more affectionate. She's not as easily irritated. She's not chronically tired!

She's been so sweet. I always give her 4 kisses before a nap or at bed time. She gave me 28 kisses before she went to bed. She's been so much kinder to Navy. She shares snacks, she's helped him get toys, she's patted his back when he's upset. I love this behavioral change!

The change that I wasn't expecting was her voice. I didn't realize it before, but Lily's voice was kind of hoarse all the time. Now, she has this little girl voice. I'm sure I'm the only one that notices, but it still gets me.

I really see this being a positive thing for Lily.

She's catching up on lost sleep. Right now, she'll sleep 12-14 hours a day. Usually about 10 hours at night, then a 2-3 hour nap. When I'm home in the mornings, she'll sleep in until 8 or so.

I'm just so happy, and relieved, that this has turned out to be the right decision for her. It's hard, as a parent, putting your child through surgery, especially when there's no guarantee that it's the "right" thing. For her, the gamble is paying off!

Lily's Surgery ... Post-Op Update

Lily's surgery went well. She was really good when they were registering her and doing vitals. They took her to "blow up the balloon," which is how they give the anesthesia. No fussing, no fit.

I went back to the waiting room for about 45 minutes, which is all the longer the surgery took. Watched "SpongeBob SquarePants" while this other set of parents was talking about reading a study that kids who watch the show perform worse in school and that there's no way Squidward could water his kelp garden underwater.

When I went to the recovery room, Lily was starting to wake up and fuss. She was confused and scared. She'd gone to sleep in one room and was waking up in another. She told us her throat hurt.

Her nurse got her some Sprite, with the promise that if she drank her pop, she'd get to go home. Lily rested a bit and watched a movie.

They gave her some anti-nausea and pain medication. She kept saying that she was going to throw up. We got to bring home a pink kidney dish!

Off to Target for her prescription, a special My Little Pony toy, and some snacks for my little sickie.

We've been home watching movies and lounging around.

Surgery Tomorrow!

With Lily's surgery tomorrow, we've spent the last couple of days talking to her about what's going to happen so she won't be too scared.

We watched Curious George Goes to the Hospital to help introduce the concept to her because just explaining it wasn't doing the trick.

I let her know that her special lovey can be with her all the time. Mommy will be there when she goes to sleep and when she wakes up. After she wakes up, they'll give her a special snack.

She told me that she didn't want to get a shot and that she was a little nervous and scared. (How does a 4-year-old even know the word "nervous?")

We ate a special dinner from Subway and picnicked in the living room watching TV. She went to bed without any whining or crying.

I hope this brings some relief, not just for Lily, but for all of us!

What a crazy, busy day!

Lily had her pre-surgery lab work today. I thought she'd be brave, but it scared her. They have someone assist with holding her arm. She didn't even flinch and just watched the vile fill up. Her bravery was rewarded with a sticker.

Lily's appointment was first.

Her sleeping is worse, and she's waking up in the middle of the night, every night. We've had 3 really bad days, but if you look at how she's slept and napped, it makes sense. With Lily's surgery coming up, we just tweaked one thing in her current treatment plan. No major changes until after surgery and a repeat sleep study. Just her 2 refills were over $1000 at the pharmacy. Thankful for good insurance. I only had $25 out-of-pocket.

Navy's appointment was next.

He's 17 pounds, 9 ounces. I didn't get his length. The doctor looked at his rash, coupled with Dave's occasional skin issues. We came home with 5 prescriptions. One cream from his face, one cream for his body, an antibiotic to prevent infection, an anti-histamine to help with itching at night, and another anti-histamine to help with itching during the day.

Lily's surgery is coming up later this week, and both kids go back in a month to follow-up. Navy's 9-month is also coming up!

Lily's Surgery

I know that I've mentioned it in passing, but really haven't given the details on Lily's sleep study from July or her upcoming surgery.

The results of her sleep study was that she failed. She has several stoppages, some of which lasted up to 13 seconds. She only spends about 90 minutes in REM sleep.

The diagnosis was obstructive sleep apnea.

Basically, her glands (tonsils, adenoids) swell when she sleeps, which restricts the air flow as she breathes. It's one of the reasons she snores.

In turn, this can cause behavior problems, such as the inability to focus and follow directions. Just because she's chronically tired.

It's been such a long process because we've been fighting with the insurance company the whole way. They'd rather treat her for autism or ADHD, rather than find out what the real problem is. So, we've have to prove (with her 2 sleep studies) that she has a problem sleeping.

ANYWAY...

The appointment with the ENT was short and sweet. He had reviewed the July results and did a quick exam. Her tonsils were enlarged when we went in, but there was no sign of infection. He said that it'd be best, especially while she's so young, to take them out.

The objective over the next couple of days is to make sure that Lily knows what's happening so she won't be scared, and that I'll be there when she goes to sleep and when she wakes up. Her lovey will be with her the whole time and that this will make her feel better.

Lasagna

Navy fed himself lasagna for the first time. 2011.



Lily feeding herself lasagna for the first time. 2007.

"Thank you, Navy, for giving me the fishy highchair."

I'm one of the most frugal people I know. I buy clothes for next year on clearance. I clip coupons like crazy. Yet, sometimes, it's not about what'll save money, but what's in the best interest of a little kid's feelings.

I know that it's silly to buy a second high chair when I have a 4-year-old that should be able to sit in a regular chair or booster seat. In fact, I have a booster seat for her. I went back and forth on this. One moment, I'd be all set to pay whatever for a Fisher-Price Healthy Care high chair. They range in price from $80-$120, depended on the pattern and the store. The next, I was going to make Lily give hers up, by force if necessary.

I've talked to her several times about transitioning to her booster seat. Each time, she seems to like the idea, but when it comes to actually putting the high chair away and getting the booster seat out, she backs out.

Then, I think that I've asked her to give up a lot. She transitioned to a big girl bed because I needed the crib mattress from her toddler bed. Her seat in the van was switched because I can reach the baby better when he's on that side of the car. She's lost some time with her Mommy because I'm tired and too pregnant to do the things with her that I used to.

So, to me, buying a second high chair seemed like a small price to pay. I've asked her (and it some cases, inadvertently forced her) to give up a lot. Though some parts have been upsetting to her, I think she's handled them with ease.

While Lily napped, I took the opportunity to get the new high chair put together. We will be using it right away. Even though he won't be eating, Navy will be sitting at the table with us, as he is part of our family.

When she woke up and saw his high chair at the table, the first thing she said was, "Thank you, Navy, for giving me the fishy high chair." Priceless, which makes the price of the high chair totally worth it.

Sleepology

Knowing that someone is watching you while you sleep is kinda trippy. Not just having the glow of the monitor that keeps track of her breathing, but the red lights that are part of the night-vision camera. Definitely interesting when you're trying to sleep.

I'm going to address this before I get a ton of questions/comments about it. Yes, Lily does still take a pacifier (we call it her binky) at almost 4-years-old. We have tried repeatedly to break her of this habit. With the issues that lead us up to the point we're at now (the sleep study), it seemed kind of pointless. The pacifier helped with some of her sleeplessness and self-soothing issues. Hopefully, after we get the results, we'll have a better understanding of why she doesn't sleep well and be able to break her of the pacifier soon.



Last night was Lily's sleep study. It's been a long 6 months working up to this point, but so worth it. Getting all hooked up takes about 30-45 minutes, and Jodie (Lily's tech) let Lily pick out the colors of the various leads. She also helped smooth the electrode stickers that were on her legs and chest.

It took a bit to get her settled down, but with some cuddling, she eventually fell asleep. I'm guessing it probably took 45-60 minutes, which isn't too terrible. Most nights, it's 15-30. Once I finally got to sleep (I'm guessing close to 11), Lily moved and Jodie had to come readjust the nose monitor. Lily freaked out and tossed for over an hour.

Got her untangled, cuddled and back to sleep. At some point, I just fell asleep. Passed out is probably more accurate. So tired. Lily finally got some decent sleep and woke up relatively well. She's used to waking up on her own and hour later than we did.



Six o'clock comes pretty darn early. I was completely exhausted and sore. Every time she woke up crying, I woke up and tried to soothe her and keep her from pulling the nose monitors off.

After waking up, Lily got all of her wires off, which she was more than happy about. Especially the ones on her face and her nose monitor. She was fine after that and even colored in her new coloring book while I filled out her sleep study wake-up questionaire.

I'm anxious to find out the results. With having about 9-10 hours of data from all of the monitors, plus the same amount of time of video to review, it takes a couple of weeks. If they monitors indicate something, they match it up with what they saw on video. I'm so hopeful that they got some great data that will lead to a solution for Lily's sleepless nights.



To reward ourselves after the sleep study, we went to IHOP. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that they have a full-picture children's menu (but they don't have that online...of course), much like Bob Evans.

We've Made Progress!

Today was Lily's last appointment with Dr. Mike before the sleep study. We've fought so hard to get to this point. Needless to say, I'm giddy.

Lily now weighs 33.5 pounds, which is great considering she had been losing weight. (At one point a couple of months ago, she'd lost a pound, a lot when you barely weight 30 pounds to begin with.) She's a little under weight, but that's to be expected with her being on the petite side.

Her behavior has been consistant. As far as temper tantrums were concerned, they were age appropriate. Not the over-the-top ones that we've experienced in the past.

Her appetite is better. I brought home the Bob Evans kids menu and have been copying some of the meals out of that. Lily has also been helping in meal prep (mixing, stirring, pouring), so she takes pride in the meals that we eat. Dr. Mike said that was great parenting. I was very flattered.



Our only problem is the sleeping. She still doesn't sleep through the night. She gets up at least once, but up to 3 times during the night.

Since the sleep study is in less than a week and we've seemed to find balance as of right now, we're not making any changes until after the results of the sleep study come back.

We go back after all of that to see what our new action plan will be. So excited about the progress!

Lily is learning to read!

Lily has been working really hard on learning all of her letters. She knows most of them, and can recognize some words. The past several days, she had been learning to read "Trucks".

I'm so proud of her!

One Proud Mommy

This last week has been wonderful!!

Tuesday, the report from school was that Lily behaved very well. She kept her hands to herself and listened rather well. She was so good, in fact, that Papa took her to get ice cream for lunch. Of course, she just loved that.

Thursday, the only trouble that Lily had was that when she saw Papa, she bolted from the classroom before being dismissed by the teacher.

Gymnastics was great, too. I know that some of that is in part to them adding additional staffing. One of them focuses primarily on Lily to get her on track, and I could really see a difference in the last 2 sessions.

I'm sure that some of it has to do with the fact that Lily is sleeping a bit better. She seems to be completely over her cold, so she's not as stuffy at night.

I'm just so beyond proud of her for the improvements in her behavior this week!!!

Finally, Some Progress!

We had a follow-up visit with Dr. Mike today.

Since our last follow-up a month ago, I've been keeping a journal chronically her behavior and sleep patterns. I noticed that I was forgetting to mention a lot of things that happened in the previous 4 weeks, I was really only focusing on what had happened in the last week or so.

Of course, when it was time to leave for the appointment, I couldn't find the notebook. I haven't been able to find it since we've been home, either. However, I was able to recall some of the recurring themes in Lily's behavior and sleep patterns.

We're going to try something to help Lily's irritability and aggression. This is what gets her in trouble the most at school.

Lily also has trouble sleeping. She doesn't sleep through the night most nights. It's been this way her whole life. It she sleeps until 5am, that's a successful night.

I was doing some preliminary research on "irritability in preschoolers". That's the exact phrase I typed in. The very first link was Sleep Apnea in Preschoolers which is what I suspect is a large part of Lily's behavior issue.

We're going to try this for 2 weeks and go back. I know it doesn't seem like it's all that great, but it feels like we're finally getting somewhere. Like we're on the right path to getting this taken care of, hopefully for good.

Just when you're at your wit's end, renewal is in sight

I really don't talk a lot about what we've been dealing with, with Lily lately. Honestly, we still don't have a lot of answers. It's still a lot of trial and error. There are times when it feels like we're making a lot of progress, times when everything seems to be fine, and those moments when it feels almost impossible.

I started keeping a journal a couple of weeks ago. It's a timeline of Lily's day. When she wakes up in the middle of the night, what time she gets up in the morning, her bahavior, when she goes to bed, etc. Patterns are starting to emerge.

After some things that others have shared about their children, and the children of friends, I have a nice battery of knowledge on what I think might be something we're dealing with. Armed with that, as well as this journal of information on Lily's personal behaviors, I think that I have a strong case to present.

But, yeah, back to the "wit's end" part for now... :c)

Lily's First Day of School

Today was Lily's first day of preschool. She was so excited and we were both up shortly after the alarm went off. She was dressed in no time flat and ready for some breakfast.

We arrived early and just walked around the sidewalk for a bit. She wasn't too interested in talking to me. She really wanted to explore her new school and go inside.

Once the doors opened, she was running full-steam ahead to her classroom. She was so ready to play in the house. After I got her to hang her backpack up, she settled into the stations that they're going to be doing every morning.

I left, with a quick hug and kiss. No tears. I went grocery shopping while she was in school. On the way, I felt the tears start to come, but I told myself that she wants and needs this.

When I picked her up, she was just as excited and wired. I think this is gonna be good for her.

Doctor, Doctor

For Lily's appointment, we went to our family physician for her preschool physical. Her appointment was at 10:30 and they completely forgot her. I wasn't annoyed until they started calling people that arrived after we had. Then, she was back right away and we didn't even have to wait for the doctor or PA.

Her heart was checked and she got to pee in a "hat". That was the highlight of our trip. She'd already had the TB test back in March, so nothing exciting. Just getting the form signed pretty much.

Provided she doesn't get sick, she won't go back until her 4th birthday.

Intermission : Lunch.

For Lily's second appointment, it was a follow-up with Dr. Mike, the specialist. He's been treating Lily for severe temper tantrums for a couple of months now.

Currently, we are seeing some improvement in her behavior. However, her sleep is still off. She usually wakes up between 2-5a. She was up at 3 this morning and playing with magnets in the kitchen.

He ordered an EKG, which is a standard thing, so nothing to worry about. They just want to have something for comparison if she has an adverse reaction to her medication.

We're keeping the day medications the same, but increasing the night one. Hoping this will help with the sleep, which in turn will decrease the tantrums even more.

We go back in 4 weeks to see if the changes are helping or to try something new.

Not Me Monday! : Paint, Stickers and Markers ... OH MY!!

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.



I would never paint the hallway a bright shade of green, only to decide the very next day that it was the most hideous color that anyone ever mixed into a Satin medium base. And, I definitely wouldn't cry over it, thinking that the ugly color pretty much deemed that my house should be condemned.

Then, I wouldn't go get more paint (2 shades lighter) the very next day to paint over the nasty green. A nice minty shade of green. Then, when the freshly painted (and barely dry) wall was scratched with a ladder, I wouldn't yell that people really needed to be less careless.

Nope, not me. My prego hormones NEVER get to me. Ever!



I didn't neglect laundry ... all weekend ... to plan and do fun things with my preschooler. Like creating our own little DORA the Explorer adventure, complete with a map, binoculars, and a treat that the end.

Nope, clean clothes (which I make the aforementioned preschooler wear 100% of the time because she never runs around in just her panties) are much more important than spending time with my child. I'll have her for at least the next 15 years, so she and I have plenty of time to hang out.





While she was working on crafts, I was busy doing the dishes. If she's occupied, I don't need to sit next to her and be all up in her space watching her play with stickers. Let alone take pictures every time she made a cute or silly face. I have plenty of cute and silly faces.



And, because I'm currently up for a Mother of the Year nomination, would I never leave my little artist completely unattended with a BLACK marker. No, no, no! Crafty supplies stay on the craft or color tables at all times.

What didn't you do?! Don't be a chicken...SPILL!!!

Lily's Vacation & Preschool

Lily spent 3 days with her Aunt Melody and cousins (Aleesha & Skylar). That's the longest I've been away from Lily her whole life. It would rough, but with the doctor having me on a weight and activity restriction, it was much needed.

Lily spent her days playing in the pool, going to the "beach" at my sister's father-in-law's house, jumping on the trampoline, going to the park, and playing in the sand. Not to mention, she came home with a silvery manicure and pedicure!

She had a great time, and I've heard all about Aleesa, Aunt Mel, and Skylar.

And then, there's the matter of school...

I originally signed Lily up for New Haven United Methodist. I'd heard so many great things about the program. Then, it's $70/month. She would go 2 days a week, for 3 hours, I believe.

Then, I heard about St. Mark's Preschool. They are pretty much the same hour wise, but only $40/month. Not to mention, I have a friend whose daughter is going to the same school. The only problem, their one class is full. We got wait-listed. If they get a couple more kids in the next week, they will open another class.

Fingers crossed!

Progress!!!

Lily's had two really good days!

On Wednesday night, I completely spaced it and didn't give her the night time medicine. In typical Lil style, she was up in the wee hours of the morning. So was Mommy.

Thursday, she stayed with her Papa. He said she was good. Smooth passed out for an afternoon nap when I got there. Sat and talked with Dad while she slept. She woke up fine.

Arby's for dinner!

Thursday night, I remembered her night time pill. She still woke up, but it was more of the tossing and turning, not the get up and play or get up and get a drink thing.

This lead to a great morning!

She was so excited to see her "best friend Papa" for the second day in a row. She didn't fit me at all to get dressed. It was so nice and a pleasant change.

I'm so happy that we're seeing some progress. Still have some great things to bring up to Dr. Mike when we go back in a couple of weeks. See what he thinks for a more long-term solution. Couldn't hurt!

Hoping this keeps up!!

Peaks and Valleys

Lily was up in the wee hours of the morning again. 4:15 this time, and she got me up again. I went back to sleep and slept as long as she would allow, which was 6:30.

She had a good day, minus a meltdown from 5:30-6p. Cried and misbehaved when I picked her up at Bud's house. Threw a tantrum when we got home that landed her in her room for 20 minutes.

Then, she recovered and calmed down. Gymnastics was good.

I'm seeing some progress. It's slow, but I'm seeing some. It gives me hope that maybe this is all sleep related.